I've said it all before

I said, "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating."

Seaside- The Kooks

I just woke up from a dream that left me feeling weak at the knees and not in a good way,

Marmalade Maggie

Right now I feel like I have a lot to write but I really don't know what to write and I kind of have a headache. I guess I will start off by saying I am listening to The Merediths which were one of the greatest local Louisville bands a few years ago. They are seriously awesome but they broke up. I would like to go to sleep right now but I have slept 13 of the last 24 hours so that doesn't really help. I guess I could talk about my life. I really feel like I am in a good place in my life. I have great friends. I have an awesome (and cute) girlfriend who I feel like I have a great relationship with. I'm getting along well with my parents. I have a direction and goals in school that I feel confident I can achieve. I have a fun job (lifeguarding) and I will be the head guard of my pool in about a month. I think that is pretty good for my first year on the job. Hopefully I'll get a pay raise because right now the biggest stress in my life is having enough money to make it through next school year.

My God has two thirds of my brain. (From the song I am listening to)

For the first time in my life for as long as I can remember I feel a certain (positive) pressure to achieve something. Pretty much all of high school I really didn't care. I don't know why and honestly I'm sick of trying to figure out why I didn't. Maybe a psychologist would know but I don't care. Right now I feel motivated and that is a good thing so why over analyze it? I probably need to start living healthier (aka run, lift and bike more) but that is kind of in the back of my mind. At the beginning of summer I was kind of hoping for a summer like last summer where I partied with my friends all the time and had wild crazy adventures. I have done a bit of that this summer but my favorite parts have just been the sitting and the talking: the calmer times. I guess that's growing up. A few of my friends party a bit too much I fear but I'm not going to worry about that too much. Live and let live.

I got something to say. I killed a baby today. (From the song I am listening to)

I am really looking forward to the next school year.

I guess that is about all I am going to say for now.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Well said Charles Dickens. Well said.

The Czar, OJ Da Juice man and sunburn.

The Czar:
"Crack the Skye" by Mastodon is the coolest album of all time. I'm serious. Listen to it. Mastodon is probably the coolest band ever. They even did the song in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie.



Work is great because I'm gettin' money:



Also... I got so burnt at work today. My back looks like rawhide.

1

There was a time tonight where I really wanted to believe in God.

Summer Reading Update

Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall.

OMFG

If David Foster Wallace were still alive his book "Consider the Lobster" would've been about how burnt I am right now instead of porn stars and John McCain. But alas, he killed himself.

Summer Reading Update

I am so not going to finish my summer reading. I am only halfway through my first book. That books is The Fountainhead and it is kinda long. Someone recently made fun of The Fountainhead and said it and Catcher in the Rye are the two big books that teenagers name drop to sound intellectually hip. I have never read Catcher in the Rye but I can see that. The book is okay I guess. I really really really disagree with Ayn Rand I think. I'm not going to go into that now. I'm going to start name dropping Tom Clancy books and see if that gets me any Lit cred. It is kind of sad that the intellectual value of a book can be diminished just because people use it to sound cool. I need to stop hanging out with kids who think books are cool. I think that is the big problem. Since when were books cool? I think I'm gonna change the "books" section of my Facebook "about me" to:

"lol who read books?"

or

"fuck reading and shit"

or

"i like everything except country and rap"

I guess its impossible to be actually cool and intellectual. I think I'm gonna go put in some Mogwai or Godspeed You! Black Emperor and go watch some Wes Anderson Flicks. Right after I put down this great Bukowski book I'm reading. Is it still cool to eat thai food?

God

Just a few minutes ago I stumbled upon a large cluster of Youtube videos arguing either for religion or atheism. God versus no god. I always cringe when reading the articles on these pages which are always (and so shamelessly) filled with fallacies of logic. God must exist because with out him we wouldn't have a purpose. God can't exist because science far surpasses religion. etc... All horrible arguments on both sides, the best arguments really do little else than tell why the other arguments are in fact fallacies, and do little to actually promote the side of the one arguing. I always tend to take the side of the atheists for a few rather fallacy filled reasons of my own. 1. The religious people whine too much. 2. I was raised in the Catholic Church and I guess I'm still young enough to be excited by fighting the system. 3. Scientists talk about things like black holes which are really awesome. One of my favorite quotes of all time is by known atheist Carl Sagan. The quote neither refutes nor promotes religion. It is a simple criticism of what I think is one of organized religions greatest weaknesses.

"In some respects, science has far surpassed religion in delivering awe. How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, "This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed"? Instead they say, "No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.""

Now I neither believe and don't believe in God at this point in my life and while I writhe in discomfort at the term agnosticism, I guess I technically fall into that category. The term itself seems so final though. Its like picking a side and I do not, nor probably ever know enough to pick a side. The problem with organized religion (which at this point in history has numerous times had to eat its own words and still come out on top) is it is final. It is concrete. Call me a cop-out or a coward but I can't handle the concrete. If there is a God in the sense most religious men and women seem to promote, then I anxiously await my stay in purgatory where hopefully the questions of the universe will be answered. If there is no God then I suppose I will rot and it won't really matter. At this point I secretly (and despairingly) believe that whatever force did create this universe (and I do believe the universe was created by some force we don't know about) is not something that will ever be allowed to comprehend or able to. Why would the force that created us have left us an afterlife? What is the nature of our beings? Is any of this real? At a realistic level do I even care? Probably not. As long as I am living this comfortable life that I live I am content not knowing the secrets of the universe (ish). To be honest all of it really bothers me.

The closest I have ever been to killing myself (which has admittedly never been very close) is to find out what happens in death. How can some people stand not knowing. Death would either answer the questions of the universe or end the desire for such knowledge. Hell would be a mental consciousness forever after death where none of our questions are ever answered I think. Heaven would be knowing what created us. I guess religion really is heaven on earth if it gives us answers to those questions. I don't really think it matters if the answers are scientific facts or not. Perception is always greater than reality and ideas are defined by the purpose they fulfill. If someone believes in a god I cannot prove them wrong. In a certain sense that makes them right because God fills whatever gap in their lives they put him in and that is what God is for. God fulfills the purposes people assign him (scientifically real or not) which makes him just as real as anything he could ever be. I think.

Finnaroo

Tonight is Finnaroo day 2.
Party on Wayne.

I'm the goddamn batman

>Just sharing....  Special props to the awesome person who sent this to me

Status Update

Right now I am sitting in my room all alone.  No one else is in my house.  I am not wearing pants.  Not even a little bit.

Lately things just don't seem the same

I'm finished for a bit.

Last Night I Had A Dream

My dream last night:

My dream last night started out like any other night with friends.  We were hanging out at Qdoba trying to figure out what we would do that night.  I guess we decided on something because everybody left and I ended up going to some swim team tryouts.  I ended up swimming a bunch of laps with a bunch of weird people I do not know and then we went back to the locker room to change.  I started texting all my friends to figure out what was going on that night and most just said they were up for whatever.  This is when the trouble started.  In the swimming locker room I started to smoke marijuana and a couple of the other swimmers joined me.  In my dream state I was sufficiently "fucked up" when the coach for the swim team came in the locker room.  I assume he smelled the smoke because he told us if we weren't going to take things seriously we should just leave now.  I left.  As I was walking to my car in the parking lot of the swim facilities I, for whatever reason, ran into a large group of my friends.  Most of them were fairly inebriated too (I recall one of them falling flat on his face and laughing).  We met up in the parking lot in the illuminated circle of a streetlight and began joking, laughing and carrying on.  All of a sudden a red pickup truck pulled up with two huge muscular dudes in it.  They wanted to fight.  There were probably 15-20 of us (my friends) and two of them but these guys were huge.  Like 7'8" huge, solid muscle.  The scene erupted into a huge fight and I was still scared and "fucked up".  A third guy popped out of the back of the pickup truck and joined then.  I jumped on the back of one of the guys with my arms trying to wrap around the guy's throat.  He didn't even notice me with all the other people attacking him.  I pryed off his watch (which was also connected to his keys) and used the watch and keys as a blunt instrument to punch the guy in his shaved head.  Only a few minutes into the fight a security guard pulled up and told us to get out of the parking lot.  We all ran for it and went to our cars.  My friends were going to meet somewhere but I was too "fucked up" to comprehend this and got in my car, turned on the lights and started driving.  A few things were wrong with my car including the brake not working and the lights on the inside of the car not turning on.  I couldn't steer, I couldn't brake and I couldn't see anything.  I decided to pull over in the first parking lot I could find which happened to be a Mcdonald's parking lot.  Because I couldn't brake I skidded into the parking lot after taking the turn way to fast and hitting the curb.  I somehow managed to park but a man came up and told me I had to move because I was blocking the stairs.  I moved and struggled to fit into a different parking lot when I woke up.  Weird dream.

Freak Scene

Songs Stuck In My Head:

also the song "don't want to know if you are lonely" by Husker Du (with umlauts).

Today

Today I am going to work.

Then I am going to visit my grandmother who is still recovering from the broken femur.

I might also draw a little bit because I feel like drawing.

Now I might take a nap.

Last night, my friends and I decided to go on an adventure.  It started off well enough as we crossed the horse-bridge over into our magical spot.  Ben and I chugged a nalgene full of equal parts coke, vanilla coke and tequila.  We then crossed back over the horse-bridge and went to the top of dog hill where we met up with everyone else.  The adventure fell apart there because everyone wanted to go home.  It was still an okay time.  I fell asleep in spike's dorm on the spare bed.  I woke up to what I assume was Ross calling spike to go donate plasma for money.  Spike did not wake up.  I left about an hour and a half later.